Predeparture Recollections

Quiwan is 5; the year 1992 doesn’t seem to matter as much as 1991 because he still remembers the little trials that he’s overcome: Understanding that he doesn’t have artistic talents, understanding that his handwriting needs to be improved, but he shrugs it off, thinking that it will “grow” better as he ages. He questions the need for him to rewrite a new year at the tail end of dates scribbled on his CEC kindergarten exercise book as he forgets every now and then that it is already 92, not 91. “Why do we even BOTHER to try remember the dates when we’re going to use a new one the next year!?” he frustrates.

He is riding behind his cousin in the estates near his grandparents’ house. Although the constant fear of getting his legs scraped by the paddles or wheel of the bicycle beneath him still haunts him secretly, he enjoys his ride on the backseat with the wind force full on his face and adrenaline pumping through his veins. They stop in front of a shabby wooden shack that gives him the shivers. They’re cycling away.
A fall. He sees his sister, seated behind his other cousin take a fall. He hears his name being called, Quiwan, won’t you come help your sister? He doesn't know what to do, but it doesn't matter. Quiwan is 7.. or 8. 

He is nervous as he’s never had more than 5 friends over to his house. This would be his first birthday party with friends from school. There were only two girls because of his inhibition, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Little did he know that it is this weakness that would shape his life for another 8 years or so. It was getting kind of awkward until Y.Ian bangs his head on the sliding door. OUCH. Laughter. Quiwan knows it must’ve hurt; despite so, a smile etches across his face.

Quiwan is drained... his dog is gone. He throws a tantrum. Amid the bitter taste of betrayal by the figures he respected and loved the most, he does a stupid thing with a knife. No, he doesn’t HURT himself lar.. Ish, what’re you thinking. (he just threatens to do so). In retrospect, that must be one of the stupidest thing I’ve done... I wasn’t even taking responsibility for the dog. It deserves to have a better owner. I deserved it.
Scars, though, have a mind of their own. Despite my admission, the scars do tingle in burning sensations from time to time.

Quiwan is walking in the rain, in single file together with his teammates. “Angels’ wing’s” Baah.. I’ve really gotta thank the guy who made it so difficult for us by coming up with this mouthful of a name what with its ‘s’es and apostrophes in BOTH words. The split was gradual and expected. Soon, there was the slightly more formidable team with Mr. F in charge while I chose the other. Friends what... besides, I possessed neither the skills nor the brawn to squiggle my way into that other team even if that is my desire at all.
He skims through his feelings for the team and the passion for football and adventure that brought him out on this “away” game at Jing Wu school, against an unknown opposition. The team travels by train, and upon disembarking, soaks themselves in the downpour while walking along the patchy road. He trudges on with surprisingly high morale. Many minutes later, under the thick blanket of rain, their vision clearly hindered, a decision is made to play despite unforgiving weather- the game mUSt go on. Besides, they didn’t travel all the way there to sit by the field and sip tea. Match ends in a stalemate initially, then they lose out to their opponents (I think.. need confirmation) after penalties.It is not ALL bad, the team won their first penalty shootout in the school league with goalkeeper Chung Wei making the decisive save.

He is on his first date. A litany of bright shining stars are above him on that clear night but he barely acknowledges their beauty. He is only occupied with the person opposite him. Glowing there in front of him, she must be the most gorgeous living thing on earth. He is filled to the brim with affection for her... to heed her every word, to gain her trust and to give her all he can for her to be his forever is all he wants and can do. Quiwan finds puppy love. (A little late as compared to others). He is almost 19. 

He knows that the one before her was just infatuation. An act spurred on by the desperation to find someone to be with while all around him lovebirds’ wings aflutter. He knows it was a mistake. But THIS one.. It can’t be a mistake, not her. He knows many things that she doesn’t want to admit. He knows that he’s ruining everything by doing so. In the end, she probably did more of the ruining than him. The predicted result (from a non-partisan point of view) was right.
Quiwan slumps through the doors of heartbreak hotel.

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Sometimes, it seems more like a dream than a genuine fragment from my memory when I recall these mini adventures. The way they begin abruptly and stop similarly so does not help with my recollections either... but all’s well. I’m assured that they ARE true albeit only by faith and a subtle sense of guidance from my instinct.

It’s beginning to hit me. (About TIME!)
I’m going to leave home for a whole year. I will be away from my family, from my culture, from all the friends, food and familiar nuances that make up our daily routines. 

But hey, some sacrifices in the form of comfort and familiarity have to be made in order to pursue your dream. A dream is not merely our mind’s wistful display of work, but the most powerful non-physical force one may ever possess (besides that telepathic superpower which has yet to be discovered of course :P).

Dreams are meant to be pursued, just as rules are meant to be broken. Likewise, clauses do apply for the former as it does for the latter. Come on, no one goes around breaking rules when it makes sense not to; similarly, a dream, it cannot be idiotic. (E.g. building a gamma ray gun to kill your neighbour’s dog for disturbing your beauty sleep). I mean, it can even be illogical, such as building a time machine.. or even constructing an alien tracking device. Fact is, there’s a very fine line between dreams and indulgences in daydreams ala fantasies.

HHmm, btw, if anyone's wondering, I've finally started packing. Pretty hard to meet the weight limit of just 20kgs when you have so much to bring!! (plus 5 for handcarry).

On a final note, good luck to those who are leaving to go overseas soon. :) For those whom I'll miss at home, Quiwan wishes you ALL the best!