Confrontation

It is against my nature to get myself tangled up in messy confrontations. This is because I'd rather be ridiculed by insults, showered with brickbats, sniped down by critique squad, trampled on by over-zealous idiots who don't give two hoots when it comes to your feelings AND slapped on a daily basis by the boastful naive fool who is too full of him/herself to realize that the border between a "friendly explanation" and a lecture-ala-NAG has been breached. Sometimes, I even question myself if it is worth the torture, putting up with all this, just to avoid being sucked into an imbroglio.

Then I figured...

It is the uncontrollable rage and verbal destruction that entails "letting it all out" which I am awfully inclined to reject. During discussions that threaten to boil over, when push comes to shove, my emotions (and my bloody stubborn mouth) have failed me time and time again. Heated arguments get out of hand, resulting in scars that take what feels like an eternity to heal. Guilt then wrecks havoc in the inner circles of the mind, placing doubt where confidence used to stand.

There is just too much at stake... Or IS there? 

Some abuse are physically brutal, causing pain that is the result of your active receptors sending signals to your brain which interprets it as "OUCH!"; Another form of abuse, however, works in a corrosive manner. It chips off small chunks of your mental stability, one at a time, taking layers of your self-assurance off with them until the day you SNAP.

Today, after months of withstanding the latter, I was on the verge of bursting out. Fortunately for me, I pulled the handbrakes at the last minute. So instead of yelling abuse and setting the bridges on fire, senseless mumblings took their place, which resulted in more gibing. Perhaps it's all just innocent fun. Or perhaps it's just me being over-sensitive. 

The question remains: Is it worth putting up with all this crap?

Logical answer: DUh, NO.

Quiwan's answer: er.. maybe?

Is it not true that the wonder that is our mind works ingeniously to protect its body? The way I see it, in order to protect oneself, the brain would rather take the shit thrown at you than confront the actual problem. This may also be known to other people as COWARDICE. 

One can only hope that in the not-so-distant future, when my mental health (and ego) is challenged (be it accidental or on purpose), I will not drop my balls the instant an onslaught begins. Instead, I will let my discomfort in that matter be known while keeping emotions in check. Facing this enemy and laying all the cards on the table is imperative in dragging myself out of this self-questioning limbo.